Thursday, July 23, 2009

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

My entire life I have struggled with my weigh! Even when I was super thin, I always thought I was fat! And now after really being over weight for nearly three years, I'm finally mad about it! Not so much mad at the fat, but mad at myself for being this way!

I have always been a very active person! I took dance from age 2- when I taught it in college. While in college, I worked out and even taught aerobics. I was probably in my best shape in college because I also participated in pageants where you had to wear a swimsuit! Tony and I met at the gym in kickboxing class. And now, we go to the gym often, sometimes too often! But this week something in my head clicked and I realized that I am turning to someone who lets the size of their body dictate their life!

I really hope this doesn't offend it's just that I got so mad at myself this week I needed to get it all out!

Here's what happened. I went to the gym on Sunday and did an hour of cardio. Monday came around and my neighbor and I went walking. Two days down...looks good! Tuesday, I go to the gym for 30 min of cardio and 45 min of kickboxing. The entire class I kept hearing myself make excuses in my head. You know how the people do the first couple of weeks on "The Biggest Loser"? Every time the trainers tell them to do something that requires hard work they have some kind of excuse. Hurt knee, old ball injury, too tired...you get the picture! I just kept waiting for the instructor to notice that I was slacking so that I could give this lame excuse I made in my head on why I couldn't run as fast as everyone else. I seriously heard my inner voice practicing how I planned to say, "I can't really do this because I had a broken foot last year." Really? I was using an old injury that wasn't even bothering me to not work out as hard as I really could? And then I just got mad!

And then it happened...or didn't! She never said anything about me and i never got to give the lame excuse I had planned. It was amazing! I actually had to suck it up and actually do the work!

This week Tony and I signed up on this website. It's called MyFitnessPal.com. It is kind of like Weight Watchers but instead of counting points, it actually keeps your calories that you eat and that you burn! It sets weekly goals that are achievable. And it's really cool because we have both gotten into keeping track of each other! I'm sure this will fade like all of my good intentions...See the blog below. But for now, I'm working hard to no longer be a Mad Fat Woman. And instead be a healthy one!

2 comments:

Jamie Ainsworth said...

I just wanted you to know that I think you're beautiful! I struggle not only with my weight, but with comparing myself to every other woman I see. Last summer when I met you for the first time, I was actually envious of your body (in a completely, unweird way, I promise!). You see, I have this horrible spare tire around my middle; it went away during my pregnancy, but somehow it has found it's way back! And until the baby weight is gone, I have to shop back on the women's side. I lost 50 lbs. in college-but I had 2 hours to work out everyday and easy eating options. Having a newborn and having to do all the prep myself has really slowed that down. Well, I simply wanted you to know you're beautiful! Right now, I feel so ugly, but I hope to be a hot mom by Hayden's 1st birthday!

HeathahLee said...

How funny it is that when other people see us it's a lot of the time no where near the way we see ourselves! I think you are beautiful, Tobie...I always have! I told another friend once, when we were discussing the subject of being overweight, that I didn't see her as overweight, I saw her as my beautiful friend Melanie. Same goes for you!

Having said that, you go, girl, with those workouts! I know how much better it feels to know you have taken care of yourself.